Advice for new mothers

If I could go back to my pregnancy days what I would've wished for was honest advice from other moms. Not the labor horror stories that they were all-to-eager to share; but rather home-coming stories, breast-feeding challenges, sleep-deprivation moments and stories of feeling lost. Because lets face it, while labor is the first, it is not the biggest challenge to becoming a new mom. What I would want is for someone to say, "You know, all the things you read are just suggestions. Trust your instincts you will know what to do." Then I would want them to follow up with "Except when you don't, because sometimes you won't (I love Dr. Seuss) and when you don't feel free to call me; maybe I can help."

For many women their mother is their number one "go-to" person. I too called my mom but found her to not always be able to help. Two hurdles stood in her way. For one, she was 1200 miles away and for two it had been 20 years since she had birthed my youngest sister. She remembered a lot but would often say, "It's been too long, ask _______" So I had to get used to asking other people. And because I had my connections at my birth center I had "people." I don't think most people go home from giving birth with two new facebook friends that are experts on everything baby so that's why I'm encouraging women to surround themselves with positive mentor moms.

I was lucky to be able to call upon my birth center family. I called my midwife at night when she was at home because my baby's respiration's were "too high"; she had me take a layer of clothing off and they dropped right away. She saved us a trip to urgent care and calmed my new mommy nerves. I called my cousin to ask questions about breastfeeding. She described the initial pain as "toe-curling" and suddenly I felt I could ask her anything. 6 months post birth I had a face-book conversation with another wonderful birth center employee who encouraged me to see a doctor regarding my continued healing. I did and while there was nothing I could do to speed up my recovery it was good to know that I was indeed healing and that "these things just take time."

These are the tips I would give to my friends who are new mothers. I failed miserably at some of these while others took me a while to figure out. Hopefully next time around I will be wiser :-)

Top Ten tips for New Mommies

1)
You don't have to be super mom. You can't do it all.

2)
Don't be afraid to ask your husband (or close family) to watch the baby so you can catch up on sleep and recover.

3)
You have just started the hardest and most rewarding job of your entire life, expect to have a learning-curve.

4)
When nothing else works, take the baby outside for a few minutes. Fresh air does wonders. (When this does fail remember there are thousands of other Moms rocking their babies right now - again ask for help if you need it.)

5)
The world is full of experts. Once you are a mom, strangers feel comfortable giving you their two cents. If it doesn't add up to you smile and ignore them. (This also goes for authors who push child-rearing agendas that don't sit well with your instincts. Remember many of them are selling "solutions" that have not been researched and if it doesn't feel sound right to you, it's not right FOR you.)

6)
Post-partum depression is a real condition. If you have any feelings that you feel are out of balance talk to someone as soon as possible, you are not alone.

7)
It takes a while to get to know your baby. Don't feel bad if you don't understand his or her language.

8)
You will make mistakes, it's okay. Our parents weren't perfect either and look how much we love them.

9)
Write about what you are going through. Share good and hard times on paper. Someday your "parenting journal" could inspire your baby through his/her tough times of early parenting.

10)
Acknowledge that just like it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to raise a mother. You have also been born into a new life; surround yourself with a community of positive, supportive moms and ask for whatever it is that you need.

And lastly. Remember this.
You are amazing. You have birthed a new life and you know what's best for that life - trust your instincts.

**This was written with love and reflection after meeting my first niece. Congrats to my sister and her new family. Remember we are here for you. **